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Super Bowl Wrap-Up

Sunday Night

So it's over. Congrats to KimKong, our 2013-14 champion. Also congrats to AirCatcher, who has put together a first and a second place finish over the past three years.

14 people bet on each team tonight, but the majority of the points were on Denver. We put a total of 190,000 in Peyton Manning's hands and only 103,000 on Seattle's group of drug abusers. When the NFL Performance-Enhancing-Drug scandal eventually hits in full force, we'll look back on this moment as one of the watersheds. "So you mean to tell me that nobody thought it was suspicious that Seattle's defense held the greatest offense in the history of the NFL to only 8 points at a neutral site? That didn't seem odd to anyone back in 2014? Did you guys just have your heads jammed in the sand or what?"

A couple other things of note before we head into hibernation until next August...

FilnerFaceLick had the highest winning percentage of anyone this season, at 56%. That would have tied for 21st last season...BobKraftsAccountant actually picked the Super Bowl correctly, but she finished the season with a 36% winning percentage...GoTerps won 82% of his bets in the playoffs, the best of anyone in this league...If you finished in the top 10, email me your address or paypal account and I'll send out your winnings.

I'm always very impressed with the imagination and intelligence that goes into people's team names for this league. You'd think that a group of degenerate gamblers wouldn't have so much to offer.

Because I want to tip my cap to the names that make me laugh each each week, I've put together a non-scientific and entirely arbitrary top-10 list of my favorites. I've also tried to provide some insight into each one.

Let's start off with a couple that barely missed the top 10 but still deserve some mentioning...

#9 - AndyDickPassedOutOnMeAtAConcert
I finally asked Tevia to tell me the story of her team name last week. It turns out that a incredibly drunk and high Andy Dick randomly collapsed and passed out on her blanket during a concert in LA a couple years ago.

#8 - SpringfieldIsotopes
With all due respect to Seinfeld and Breaking Bad, The Simpsons are still my favorite television program of all time, even if I don't acknowledge the existence of any episode made after 1999. Simpsons references are gold. I'm glad the Isotopes never moved to Albuquerque.

#7 - FilnerFaceLick / FilnerHeadlock / QualifierInTheFilnerGropeOlympics
Again with topical names...Bob Filner dominated the newspaper pages and the minds of JRA Football participants back in August. I can't pick between these names. They're all awesome.

#6 - ABoatsABoat
Peter: You remember that time I was supposed to get that boat? A BOAT'S A BOAT, but the mystery box could be anything. IT COULD EVEN BE A BOAT. You know how much we wanted one of those.
Lois: Peter, that happened ten minutes ago.

#5 - NotThePreferredNomenclature / WalterSobchak

#4 - ZombieAlDavis

#3 - SmoothJimmyApollo
One of my favorite names of all time. It's perfect for this league.

#2 -FullBlownAIDS
My god, this name is awesome. Completely over the top and horrifyingly abrasive...also completely hilarious. It would have finished first if not for...

#1 -mywifethetramp
The greatest, most spiteful name this league has ever seen. Cory had the misfortune of getting divorced this past offseason. Turns out his wife was cheating on him during the 2012 JRA Football season and he decided to pay homage to her with his team name. I'll tell the rest of the story by posting a couple emails he's sent me.

After going bankrupt back in October:
Well that sucked. I really should not have named my team after that trollop. I blame her and Peyton Manning (mostly her) for my incredibly fast demise after dominating this group for a majority of last year. Apparently the power of her whore-ness and its ability to ruin my life extends beyond our divorce. Never underestimate the far reaches of a woman with a black hole where there a soul used to be.

Earlier today...
We sign divorce paperwork on Monday. And she's already engaged to the guy she left me for. Nothing I could wish more for that guy than being tied to that big ball of crazy for the rest of his life. Why are the hot ones always nuts?